AKA: You are an ameteur archeologist in a fictional universe almost exactly ours beyond anything specified within this thread for reasons that will never be explained because that's not the point of this hypothetical
You get off of your generic reasonable vehicle into a nearby place where this thread could almost happen with some suspension of disbelief and start excavating the early Endless relic that you somehow discovered on your own without anyone else finding out despite the fact that a piece of clarketech belonging to an alien race older than recorded history would be both noticable and revolutionize everything known about Earth, the universe and possibly the history of the Mez-I mean human, race. After some study, you manage to safely figure out what it is.
It's a high tech beverage dispenser.
Or, at least something analogous to one. Each of the five drinks it dispenses (before you ask about the cups, it rapidly manufactures them out of a safe, durable and biodegradable material on the spot if you don't have your own with you) has a special property.
Green: Tastes like those sweet green colored fruit mixes, you're missing out if you don't know what I'm talking about. Drinking this will enhance the strength of your olfactory senses to the point where you can taste DNA strands and know the exact chemical composition of different substances when tasting/smelling them. You can also instantly understand the health state of more or less any carbon based organism just by touching them.
Orange: Has a sort of unami flavor with some hints of spice. Why? Because it's just a bunch of nanomachines with no nutritional value of their own designed to stimulate your senses in a particular way before they reach critical mass within your body and permanently fuse with it. Wait, if these things have a scent, does that mean that the contents are leaking into Earth's atmosphere? You're about to introduce a new pollutant into an unsuspecting biosphere and all you care about is your own augumentation. Or maybe you don't, I'm not a psychic. Anyhow, it massively increases your physical strength and resilience by, like, a hundredfold. You also get an inherent understanding of mass and volume so you can use those powers with more efficiency.
Yellow: Does not have an earthly counterpart. You can produce nanomachines inside your body and use them to directly interface with modern technology, not the relic itself. Note that you don't get the required secondary power of understanding what you're doing to them just with this.
Blue: This does taste more familiar, but that just means that you know what kind of psuedo-fruit artificial flavoring it imitates. I think they use it for "grape". Drink this and you have a superhuman understanding of mathematics and short term memory surpassing a modern computer.
Purple: Sort like of like wine but without the alcoholic aftertaste, I know this because we use wine for ceremonial purposes. Imbibing it will give you an unnatural understanding of pursuation and charisma bordering on psychic. Basically a super sociopath without the actual sociopath part.
Attempting to combine the effects of these will result in only one gaining effect if you're lucky. If you're unlucky, you're going to experience a fatal seisure as explosive tumors form across your nervous system. The same company behind this did eventually come up with a version where ingesting a different power overrides your old one with only the side effect of diarrhea as it's purged from your systems. The fact that this version was also temporary lead to them declaring it fit for sales. No, there isn't one like that anywhere near Earth.
YAAAAIAFUAELOBASWTTFRTWNBEBTNTPOTH 5 votes