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Where coconuts fly. Act one: the first day of screaming

The_AuthorThe_Author Member Posts: 4
[THE AUTHOR]: This story is the kind of story that gets most of its humor from randomness and a lack of logic, if you do not enjoy that type of humor this is probably not for you.
=The author’s evil alter ego=: you fool, you were not meant to be here!
[THE AUTHOR]: Ignore them.
Narrator: Welcome, to the island. Where coconuts fly and chaos rules, now, let me introduce you to our protagonist: J E F F R E Y
Jeffrey: *appears at the stranding site* Shit, how did I get here?
Narrator: Jeffrey forgot that swearing is not permitted on the island, and proceeded to explode.
Jeffrey: Wait, wha- *explodes*
Narrator: Now, Jeffery and the other strandites (people stuck on the island) all have the special ability to re-appear at the stranding site after dying (There are limits to this, such as if you starve, or are killed by another strandite.) The stranding site is a platform at the edge of the island where all of the people stuck here arrive at, mostly through interdimensional hiccups. It is impossible to leave, so all you can do is survive. Of course that won’t happen. Especially since trickery was always the second best.
Jeffery: *Reappears at the stranding site* Ow, note to self: don’t die, it hurts.
[???]: *Appears at the stranding site* *Looks down at self* Shoot
Jeffrey: Um... what? Who are you.
[???]: Oh, hey newcomer, I’m Michael.
Guy who does the thing in background: *does thing*
Jeffrey: Oh, okay, I’m Jeffery. Do you know how to escape this place?
Michael: No, I don’t think it’s possible.
Narrator: A flying coconut promptly fell from the sky onto the stranding site.
Coconut: *screams*
Zay: *Exists*
Zay: *screams*
Jeffrey: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY IS THAT COCONUT SCREAMING?! *explodes*
Jeffery: *reappears* Shit, I forgot about tha- *Explodes*
Jeffery: *reappears again*
Zay: Um, who are you? And where am I? And why did you explode?!
[THE AUTHOR]: *materialises* Welcome, children, to the Island, let the first day of screaming... COMMENCE
Zay: What?
Michael: BURY THE COCONUT!!!!!
Michael: *Buries coconut*
Coconut: *Melts*
[THE AUTHOR]: This is the island, Michael arrived here first, he has been here for a week now, Jeffery was next, he arrived approximately 6^-4 years ago, and now Zay has arrived. More of you will be coming soon, Michael, show them around. Please consult the done doer if you have any questions. *Dematerialises* *Materialises* Also, don’t starve, and don’t kill each other. *Dematerialises*
Jeffrey: Wait what’s the done doer.
Narrator: A monolith fell out of the sky and landed in front of Jeffrey.
Monolith: Speaketh thou question, it is I the done do-er.
Jeffrey: What are y-
Done do-er: Halteth wisdom hast been bestoweth upon me and firsteth bef're thou questioneth art awns'r'd I might not but speaketh this wisdom. Sevenworm rains heavily. Thee may anon asketh thy questioneth.
Zay: I feel so enlightened.
Jeffrey: Um, my question is what are you, and why do you speak with shakespearean language?
Done do-er: Stand ho, thee may only asketh one questioneth at a timeth, two is far too many. What kind of foul rodent wouldst asketh m're than one questioneth betimes?
Narrator: Michael laughed in the background at Jeffrey’s embarrassing failure.
Jeffrey: Oh, ok. First, what are you?
Done do-er: I am the majestic done do-'r. I bringeth much wisdom to thee plebians!
Jeffrey: I... see. So, now, why do you speak in shakespearean?
Done do-er: Because shakespearean is the most wise sounding f'rm of english to date, aye evil british is a decent choice as well, but didst compareth to this t sucks buttocks
Zay: Why are we here period question mark.?
Done do-er: Nay idea. Thy art not supposeth’d to be.
Done do-er: Wast yond all of thy questions p'riod questioneth marketh.?
Jeffrey: yes.
Done do-er: Then I shall leaveth to mine own void.
Narrator: The done do-er did then leaveth to it’s own voideth.
Michael: The done do-er is quite annoying, but is inevitably useful. Plus the wisdom it spouts... is... so enlightening. You should ask it more questions.
Zay: Alright, um, how do I summon it?
Michael: Easy, Done do-er!
Done do-er: Who is't dares speaketh mine own nameth!
Michael: I did.
Done do-er: Oh, tis fine. Asketh and thee shalt taketh.
Zay: How much do you know?
Done do-er: Mine own wisdom is unlimit'd.
Zay: Who made you.
Done do-er: I has't at each moment did exist, and at each moment shall.
Zay: What should we do first?
Done do-er: Striketh the earth, receiveth the metals, useth the charm.
Zay: Charm?
Done do-er: Ancient pow'r within the univ'rse. Thee can useth t to changeth things to thy shall.
Michael: It means magic.
Zay: Magic? Magic doesn’t existt.
Done do-er: Aye, but asketh thyself this. Art thee real as well?
Zay: Um... goodoodd point.period
Zay: So, can you give me more of the wisdom that you gave earlier.
Done do-er: Aye, of course. I has't endless wisdom. Tom'rrow is not enow, f'r example.
Zay: Oh... wow. Where does it come from.
Done do-er: Yond is the one thing I knoweth not. Just rememb'r a riv'r a thousand paces wide slips on a banana peeleth.
Zay: I see. That is all.
Done do-er: Then i shall seeth thee in anoth'r timeth. *voidifies*
Guy whom doest thing in background: *doest thing*
Michael: Anyways, the done do-er said to striketh thyne earth so we should probloablblblblblblbbly do it.
Narrator: Michael failed to notice the error that had occurred in his voice. He also proceeded to give finely crafted pickaxes made out of hard wood that he had just taken out of his tool pacc(trademark) to Zay and Jeffrey.
Zay: Woah, how did you get these?
Michael: I used magic to change the wood into the right shape. They won’t last long, but we should be able to get a good amount of stone. I had been procrastinating on mining since I didn’t want any flying coconuts to fall and then be left unburied, but I’m starting to get used to them.
Jeffrey: Why do we need to bury them?
Michael: So that the sun will rise, obviously.
Jeffrey: Oh. I see.
Zay: Come on let’s get digging.
Narrator: And as the sun began to set they, Zay, rose their pick up along with Jeffrey and Michael, and struck the earth.

ACT TWO: coming... eventually, maybe.

Comments

  • ViniVini Member Posts: 2,848 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Home. Go drunk. You're Brainstorm.

  • The_AuthorThe_Author Member Posts: 4
    I'm not even brainstorm. Besides, a classical composition is at each moment a pleasure.
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