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A typical day in an OTAFA bar

silentsomersaultsilentsomersault Member Posts: 50 ✭✭
edited September 2017 in Off Topic
A soldier clad in the skin of his kills walks into Recreational Section #9582-ATL, the best, funniest, oldest and only bar in OTAFA StrongHold JL. He sits down on a seat coated in beetles before looking at the food objects on the menu:

Item #1
Name: 1 OTAFAKiloCup of Basic Water
Cost: 0 RationUnits

Item #2
Name: 1 OTAFAKiloTableSpoon of Sodium Chloride
Cost: 1 RationUnit

Item #3
Name: 1 OTAFAKiloCup of Victory Water
Cost: 2 RationUnits

Item #4
Name: 2 OTAFAKiloPints of Potato Soup
Cost: 15 RationUnits

Item #5
Name: 1 Apple
Cost: 170 RationUnits

Checking his RationUnit account on his state issued OTAFA DumbPhone (now with 33% less government surveillance!), he sees that he has 31 RationUnits to his card. After a brief moment of consideration, he says "Requesting: One unit of Item #1, two units of Item #2 and one unit of Item #4." "We are sold out of Sodium Cloride." says the bartender. "Requesting: One unit of Item #3 and Item #4." corrects the soldier before looking at StandUp comedian Numartius Oflass.

"Recreational Section #9582-ATL: I once saw a transgender man wearing a Steven Universe shirt with suspicious white stains on it and purple hair and three ear piercings before ripping their intestines out. Discuss." says Numartius. "Hahaha" rythmically chants an OTAFA soldier.

"Recreational Section #9582-ATL: There was a person who told me that the Star Wars Expanded Universe is not one of the highest achievements of the human race. He is an idiot. Discuss." The same soldier accidentally collapses their chair with the intensity of their laughter, splitting his head open on the concrete ground.

"Recreational Section #9582-ATL: Holy2334 is fat. Discuss." At this point, the echoes have brought some illusion that the vigorous laughter throughout the bar isn't monotonous.

"A strange man erupts out of your nose. He splits your skin with nanometer thick wires to study and catalogue every part of your body before instantly healing you. He forces you to pick one of these-" Numartius becomes the latest victim of an e. coli pandemic sweeping OTAFA before he can finish his Strange Man segment, forcing the bar to quitely replace his corpse with a record player containing his previous gig. The laughter is uninterrupted.

After he's posthumously sent to a labor camp for overstaying his hour long shift, the bar plays a state-funded game of Warhammer 40,000 (Imperium only, of course) for the rest of the night.


  • ViniVini Member Posts: 3,533 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Best KongOT criticism I've read since learning English.

  • leunleun Member Posts: 104 ✭✭✭
    wtf you still post this shit its been like two years
  • idcidc Member Posts: 139 ✭✭✭
    leun said:

    wtf you still post this shit its been like two years

    You actually read that crap?
    BEETLE there is! While the ROOMS here not!
  • leunleun Member Posts: 104 ✭✭✭
    idc said:

    leun said:

    wtf you still post this shit its been like two years

    You actually read that crap?
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