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A random ramble

PalutenaPalutena Member Posts: 468 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited June 2016 in Off Topic
I've not been feeling so great recently.
As you may know, I'm not very social, however not getting a chance to be social at all is bad.
At school, I am pretty much treated as being inferior to everyone else and I am even isolated from everyone else, even though I did not ask for this. Being isolated from everyone else with no good reason does nothing but hurt me and my self-esteem, and makes me even less social. It's hard to not feel worse than everyone else when you are treated worse than everyone else.
As for here, it feels like I'm donig wrong things. Like my ability to love people on here has been drained significantly. My affection for others has decayed, and my tolerance has worsened to the point where some people here annoy me now. I haven't felt will to make anything special for this community for a long time. I feel like I'm only doing wrong things now, and all my progress into making frieends here has simply been erased, and everything I did counted for nothing.
But don't forget. I sitll care about some of you. I'll try not to forget the good times. It isn't over yet.
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  • TelluriumTellurium Friendly, Cool, Idle Game Master, Conversationalist, Turquoise Posts: 5,398 Mod
    edited June 2016
    I'm sorry for your situation, it sounds very shitty.

    The second half of this I really empathize with; I feel like I have become significantly less positive towards people compared to how I used to be, and that makes me feel (even) worse about myself. I want to be a really kind person and feel good about my interactions with people... But at this point it sometimes feels like social interaction is actually a negative experience for me because of how many bad feelings I get from various sensitivities. But if I didn't interact with people at all I might feel even worse.

    I think sometimes simply not caring can be a blessing... It seems to me like almost all my negative emotions in this category are caused by caring so damn much about what people say, how I come across to people and what role I have in their minds.

    Wow, here I am using this thread to talk about myself. Nice one, me!

    I, um... hope it gets better for you? I don't know what else to say. The road to life improvement and self-improvement is a long one but it is possible to travel on... I think... Okay I'm pretty bad with this stuff, sorry. :/
  • PalutenaPalutena Member Posts: 468 ✭✭✭✭✭
    It's just getting worse.
    There's some kind of final meet-up thing at school, but it seems I will be isolated from that too. This is horrible for me as although I don't often like social interaction, none at all destroys me mentally.
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  • kirdnehkirdneh Member, Cool, Conversationalist Posts: 2,967 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Isolation isn't... fun, to say the least. So far all summer I haven't been able to go to any friend's house or meet them a single time; I only have 1 thing where I stay the night in July. One of the things that sucks is how my depression ruins social interactions for me, so that I might be lonely and looking forward to being with friends but when the time comes I feel like I'm not important and I just feel miserable. It's just something that I deal with, and I think this summer has so far been a little bit easier than last year. I still have depression spells and feel miserable, but the loneliness is more manageable. One thing is that I guess last year at this time I was dating, so I had to go a whole summer without seeing that person, which hurt, along with them kind of not talking to me and then breaking it off in July. Throughout that year and as a result of the experience I've become a bit more apathetic to people, realizing more how temporary most friendships are and trying not to let myself get hurt if no one talks to me / people stop caring.
    I don't really know how to say about your situation except that it becomes easier to deal with in time, at the least. Yeah, that "solution" kind of sucks, and there's a lot of hurting you have to go through to get there,
    I also get the "not contributing" thing. I was really excited about my WD:ME, but it's so hard to have motivation to do anything with depression, so it felt like I was just giving nothing back to dashnet. A lot of topics stopped interesting me, I didn't care about stuff I used to. And I'm not sure if I can ever fix my computer for my files.
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