Before reading this post, be aware that i have no intention of attacking,
insulting or hurting anyone. If any of my statements or examples seem
like something with bad intention, you are definitely wrong.
The reason for this post is to state my mind and (possibly) to provide help
in the future. As you can guess from the title, i will talk about emotional issues.
I want anyone who is not interested in contributing to this in a positive way
to keep their comments to themselves but i invite those to read this.When life gets hard...
...you are just one of an uncountable amount of people, who feels this way.
But only a handful of these people really need help. Why is that so?
As long as you have anything that keeps you going, you also hold the opportunity
in your hands to change just everything. Do you have even a single person
to care about? There you go, your reason to give it your best. All the time.
Someone like me really understands the position you are currently in.
My Childhood was miserable, i was abused in different ways, I lost my mom
who was the only person i could trust, my family eventually broke apart and
my girlfriend back then who gave me a lot of strength made me eventually
break up with her.
That led to the point where i literally got no one left to care about me in real life.
Of course, there are people i know, that i talk friendly with, but the feeling of
trust is missing, which always made me think "...they are worthless to me".
At some point i gave up, i didn't even felt like being alive was a torture... I was completely empty.
I had no fun, i did nothing except what i'm supposed to do. Working, like a robot, everyday.
At one of the better moments, when i remember there were times when i was actually
somewhat happy i thought that can't be what life is supposed to be. I wanted to be happy again,
not even for anyone, but just for me.
And that was more than enough of a reason. "I want to be happy!" Just thinking that... just for me.
That's when i decided to get help, to see a doctor. Of course i never told him everything...
that still feels impossible. But he could help me talking through all the big stuff that concerned me.
Some of the things that happened in my childhood, the death of my mom and the breakup with the girl.
Of course i was also told that i should consider medication but i didn't like that. So he recommended
a very mild medicine (based on St. Johns wort or lt. Hypericum perforatum) which i just took for about
12 weeks helped to reduce the negative thoughts without any side effects for me.
And with that my life changed. I was able to start some old hobbies again. Mostly gaming,
because i'm a lazy person. But in the end i was led to people i enjoyed being with.
That worked for quite some time until i realized that this doesn't make me happy at all,
it's just entertaining. At some point i ended up here and found people that make me want to care.
People that inspire me to do things again.
With that what recently is happening here i fear to lose this place and it's people.
I don't want that to happen. That's the reason i decided to tell you about me...
I was already many times at the point of being suicidal. I have three failed attempts, mostly because
i got scared but also because i feared
"What if there is an afterlife?"
"What if i meet my mom again? Would she be mad?"
For you, the person to think of could be anyone you hold dear, living or dead doesn't even matter.
Could you hypothetically really look them into the eye after doing that?
and "Do you know for sure it is all over after this?"
Would you want to risk to feel disappointment in yourself, from others or even hate or guilt because
someone broke down, caused by your selfish decision? And that maybe for eternity?
Wouldn't it be the better decision to stay alive just for the sake of not hurting anyone?
Don't you want to rethink about yourself? Don't you just want to be happy at some point?
As you see, i made the decision to change something. And it worked. I did what everyone here
would tell you again and again... i got help.
You don't need to wait until it becomes unbearable... get help now.
No matter what you exact situation is. You can always talk to someone who knows what to do
or that can provide you with actual help. All you need to do is trying, making the decision to change
anything. If for others, for yourself or just for the sake of it.
You won't lose anything by saying "I have a Problem and i want to solve it." and taking the first step.
Your situation doesn't even need to be as serious as described above. Even if you just generally
feel sad a lot, talk to someone who actually knows what help you need and/or where you can get it.samaritans.org/
seems like a dependable place to start off.childline.org.uk
is also reliable for younger ones.
Both give the option to contact them in different ways. No harm is done by telling them about your problems
but instead they could provide the important help you need.
Please realize that i shared a lot private information just to show you, that i'm convinced there is
always another option, no matter how hard your life might be. Of course i am aware that your situation
can be different but the way to solve your problems is the same.
Decide to change something and talk to someone in order to get help.
Thank you for reading and i hope i could show you that it's not always hopeless.