I told a few of you, that i have some problems... and i went to see my doc today.
It wasn't a big surprise for him to see me, since i get depression every year around
this time. When he asked how i feel right now, i couldn't really answer.
I eventually told him that i made friends online, and that i never felt as happy as i was recently.
I told him about the people i chatted with, that i could tell them i'm bi without being judged for that
and how much fun i had in the past weeks.
Of course he asked then why i feel depressive then.
Again, i couldn't answer clearly. and after thinking about it, i said:
because i was too happy, probably. i didn't know how to react to that properly... and that i
think that i don't deserve this nice people around me because i will hurt them sooner or later anyways.
I haven't even finished that sentence when he slapped me and then said, that i'm really stupid sometimes.
(that might seem inappropriate but i don't mind that he did that.
you need to know that this doc is supervising me for about 8 years now -
he knows me sometimes better then i do myself and he treats me more like family than my actual family does)
he said if i'm really thinking that way i should leave those people alone and go back to therapy.
but if i care about them i should overcome those feelings, like guilt without doing something bad
and fear of hurting someone. second would be just normal and shows that i'm not dead inside
but the opposite.
and now, since i can't think of the right answer myself, i want your help.
i know that most people probably don't care and that's just fine,but those who do:
do you want me to stay and try to get over it or do you think i'm too much of a mess for this
place? do you want me to go?
why do i care about your opinion? that's rather easy explained: sometimes you all gave me the feeling
i would fit in here, on other occasions i felt ignored and left out.
i know that i can sometimes act dumb and i know that i can't live up to my name - means i'm boring.
but still, it might be possible that you kind of like me, and if that's the case i don't want to waste
that chance to get more social interactions.
i also made this poll anonymous so others can't see who voted. just be honest this time.
if you think i'm a attention whore you might be right this time... and i'm sorry for this.
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I can't decide this alone. Should i stay here? (serious) 32 votes